Furry Tails: The Ugly Catling
by Ruffles
Summary: Utter crap, CATS crossed with the ugly duckling...


_The Ugly Catling_

_The Ugly Catling was only ugly because he was in fact a duck with the anal capacity of a cat, and other such cat features. Luckily for all of us, he has not a damned thing to do with this story. At all. _

The Ugly Duckling, for real this time.

Well, the day Bustopher Jones had his first litter of kittens, it was like a miracle for who were forced to be involved.  
And, though Bustopher suffered greatly, many of the kittens were drop dead gorgeous, and no one questioned the afore mentioned Catling, or how Bustopher got pregnant by a duck, they merely killed it and made it nice and squishy before spoon feeding it to Gus.  
Well, cruelly Bustopher sat on the kittens for weeks and weeks, under the pretense that they were going to hatch one day.   
One of the kittens was old, haggard and ugly. They wanted to call her Butthead, but someone named her Grizabella.  
A week later, the kittens were becoming more intelligent, and they told Mommy Bustopher that they had hatched, and he let them out from under his huge flubbery backside. All the kittens that is, except for one who was old, haggard, ugly and deserved to be called Butthead.   
So Bustopher sat alone amongst the Junk, becoming more and more bored with each passing day.  
Eventually, Jennyanydots came by to see him.  
"Well, how are you getting on?" asked the old duck...er...Jennyanydots.  
"This one kitten is not hatched yet," said Bustopher "It will not break down and tell me it has hatched. But just look at all the others! The image of their father, Gus, who is so unkind, that he does not come to visit."  
"Gus is dead. Let me see the kitten that will not hatch." said Jennyanydots "I have no doubt it is dead. I was persuaded to hatch kittens once, and they all died. After all my trouble, sitting on them and smothering them like that, they all died!"  
"But Jenny, you're only litter of kittens are alive and well and grown up!" insisted Bustopher.  
"You take it from me, Bustopher Jones," Jenny waggled her paw menacingly as one could possibly waggle something "They are dead, long dead!" she ranted insanely "And so is that old, haggard and ugly kitten!"  
"I think I'll sit on her a little while longer," said Bustopher politely "I have sat here for so long, a few more days won't kill me or her, if she is as you suggest already dead."  
"You do what you like, Busty, but mark my meows you'll wish you'd gotten off of that carcass and taught your kittens about mousing!" called Jenny as she left.  
At last Grizabella broke down, and wailed "I am hatched! I am hated! but I am hatched!" and Bustopher stood slowly, all his flab sliding to the front of his body and sending him toppling onto Jennyanydots, who was later compensated by Claims Direct (please don't sue please don't sure please don't sue) because this time it WAS an accident, and it WASN'T her fault.  
Anyhoo.  
The old, haggard and ugly kitten who looked horrifically squashed crept towards the other cats.  
Bustopher watched, from where he sat atop Jennyanydots and said "Perhaps it is dead. We shall see if it is when we try to go mousing, if it cannot do it it must be dead."

The Next day the weather was lovely, perfect for mousing.  
By the time Bustopher had waddled to the mousing barn, and an ambulance had come for Jennyanypancake, the kittens had already begun to mouse. Bustopher looked at them all, tiny young versions of the now long dead Gus-topher.  
He looked for Grizabella, and there she was mousing along with all the others, quite the thing.  
"Oh," said Busty "That kitten is not dead! It is my own child, and it is really ugly when you look at it, but I won't say anything until she is a teenager."  
Busty took his kittens to the junkyard, to show them the world...but mostly to show them the junkyard.  
"Don't stay to close," warned Busty "For I may tumble backwards and crush the life out of you," 

When they reached the farm yard there was a great disturbance, two Pollicles were fighting over the head of an eel, which not only should not have been in a junkyard, but looking at the real fairy tale it doesn't belong in a farmyard either.  
Anyhoo.  
The Great Rumpus Cat was the one who finally got the eels head, and the heads of the pollicles as well.  
"And that, my kittens, is the way of the Great Rumpus Cat." said Bustopher, whetting his lips because he would have liked to devour the Great Rumpus Cat.  
"Come now, use your legs, what have I told you silly kittens about walking on your ears?" said Bustopher "Turn your toes out, though is may be physically impossible, do what your fat old male mother tells you! Now, you see that cat over there? That cat is the Lady Griddlebone, and you see her long white fur? That means she's of very high society, and gets dirty so easily it's funny. You will say he-llo to that cat in a nice polite way, and Grizabella, don't look directly at Griddlebone."  
Griddlebone saw the litter, and was a little taken aback when she noticed Bustopher was their mother, and then when she saw Grizabella she thought _That cat is old and ugly, and definately haggard. You'd really have thought that damned postman would do his job and kill her. _  
Suddenly, Victoria, a snobby, spoiled white short haired cat ran out, and bit Grizabella's neck.  
Soon Grizabella was immortal, and had no reflection. But that has nothing to do with it.  
"Leave her alone!" said Busty "I will not have you make any more of my kittens vampires, Victoria!"  
"Sorry Ms. Bustopher Jones." said Victoria sheepishly, as Mistoffelees staked her in the back and crowed "AND YOU THOUGHT I WAS IN LOVE WITH HER! BUT I WASN'T SO I KILLED HER!"  
"That's very impressive, Mistoffelees, but now you will be forced to mate with Grizabella." said Bustopher.  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Misto, and burst into tears of blood, for they shall appear in each of these stories.   
But I digress.  
When Mistoffelees was done crying, he whimpered "But she is so old, haggard and ugly... Can't we just send her to the heaviside layer?"  
"She is not pretty, Mistoffelees," said Busty "But you killed the pretty one, and though she looks like roadkill now, she will grow up to be pretty. The original story says so. Anyway, she took too long to hatch and I fear I have crushed her bone structure beneath my weighty rump."

From day to day Grizabella was bullied and bullied by everyone, Bustopher often found reasons to sit on her, and Jennyanypancake kept telling the others she was dead.  
One day a postman assassin came after her, and she ran away, she tried to fly over the hedge, but when that didn't work she just ran to no man's land, so she could flit.   
She flitted there for the whole night, feeling her eye twist and her coat become stained with sand. Not even Persil would save her coat now. (once again, please don't sue, please don't sue).  
In the morning, the stray cats gathered all around and said "Eeeew you're ugly and your eye is twisted and your coat is stained! What kind of cat are you? It doesn't matter, you better not want to mate with one of our kind."  
Grizabella was too ugly to even want to pleasure herself, let alone take a mate, so they went away.  
Then two Pollicles came along.  
"Look here, ugly unidentifiable beast," said one "We like your ugliness. Come with us, there are lots of unmarried pollicles round the corner just horny as fuck."  
Before Grizabella could jump at the chance, the Great Rumpus Cat ran in and killed all the pollicles.  
In sheer terror, Grizabella hid her head below her stained coat.  
The Rumpus Cat passed by quite near, his jaws were hanging open, his tongue hung from his mouth, and his eyes glared fearfully.   
He looked like he might kill Grizabella as well, but her hideousness drove him away.  
"Oh, how lucky I am that I am so hideous not even Rumpus Cat would help me out of this miserable existence," said Grizabella to herself.  


Grizabella would have gone to a cottage with an old woman, a tom cat and a hen with short legs, but she was ugly and they hated her, so she didn't.

As Autumn came, and went leaving a terrible mess, Winter set in, and Grizabella was cold.  
One day as the sunset, a large flock of beautiful birds flew out of the bushes.  
They were swans.  
But that had nothing to do with Grizzy, and for some reason she was soon frozen in ice.  
Then an obviously vision-impaired peasant LOOKED at Grizabella, and freed her from the ice using his big glorious di...stick.  
Long story short, the children tried to play with her and she flailed in their milk before running away.  
It would be very sad, long, boring and dull of me to relate the winter Grizabella went through, let's just say if she was old and haggard and ugly before, now she was fucking disgusting.  
Well, as if the Everlasting Cat was playing a cruel trick on the hideous beast, she lived to see Spring.  
From a thicket came the beautiful white swans, a Grizabella thought for one moment that she might have become one ... but then she remembered she was a CAT.   
_I will go to those birds, and they will kill me, for I am so ugly,_ plotted Grizabella _Then I shall haunt them for being so damned gorgeous!!!_  
Sadly, her plan went to waste as the Swans merely laughed at her and flew away.  
So, she went back to the Jellicle Junkyard, where she saw all her brothers and sisters learning how to hatch their own kittens.  
"If you touch me you'll undertsand what happiness is," sang Grizabella desperately singing a sad song in the hopes of winning enough fans to keep her in this series of fanfics.  
"Naw lass," said Skimble, making a cameo appearance suddenly "I willnae touch yer rotten carass o' a body, git tae heaviside!!!"  
"But ... I am the ugly one who has returned as beautiful!" wailed Grizabella, pathetically rubbing make up over her hideous features.  
"You're not beautiful!" snorted Bombalurina "You just go to the heaviside layer!"  
"Yeah," agreed Tugger "You had your chance to become the accepted gorgeous one, now that's me! FUCK OFF!"  
Grizabella glared as the cats accepted and touched Tugger, much to his intense enjoyment, and she slunk up to the heaviside layer.  
The last thing the Jellicles heard of Grizabella The Ugly Catling was the ever lasting cat screeching "WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?!"   
This was later released as a successful single by the Great Rumpus Cat. 

The END.

_I tried to make this one sound more like the original one, so _[_http://hca.gilead.org.il/ugly_duc.html_][1]_ here's a link to the original, and I'm sure HCA is spinning in his grave, but it's not my fault he was buried alive._

   [1]: http://hca.gilead.org.il/ugly_duc.html



End file.
